What do you want in life? How do you see yourself years from now? Do you see yourself happy, with a family, with a husband, living the dreams. Whatever it is, whether I’m in it or not, I’m happy for you. If you would ask me those, you just get irritated of hearing my lousy and unprofounded dreams. Why? Because the only goal, the only dream that I want to come true is with you, with the plans we made together. Yes, I may be a fool of thinking and dreaming that you could be my wife, that we could get married, and we could live together that we can have a family of our own. That’s just me, I’d rather be fool living in those broken dreams, at least there I know I am happy, I’m only happy with you. I’m on a verge that I know who I wanted to be with until the end. Up until my skin wrinkles up, my joints weakens, my hearing decreases, but atleast in those dreams I am young and alive. I am still confussed on what you really feel or on what you really think you are feeling towards me, but I know that what we had, and what we still have is real, that it never fades away. Love is still there, and I’m just hoping you would take a risk to grab it again and never let go. I am messed up, my life is messed up, it has been since my day one here on earth. But I know when I’m with you, everything is going to be fine. I miss how you would love me endlessly, because you are the only one who showed me and make me feel that I am worth loving for and fighting for. It just sucks now that everything is going topsy turvy. I’m back again on a point that I am in love with a person, but with no attachment, that even though I get jelous or even if I wanted to say how I love you it’ll be just like saying it in front of a mirror, or I’ll just keep it to myself because I know those words will not talk back at me instantly. Forever alone huh. Sometimes I wish that you would stop being afraid, cause the truth is, I am not the only one who is afraid here, it’s also you, and just take a risk. Right know I am confussed, you know you love me, I know you love me, we are happy together, we can’t stand a day without seeing each other, but then again, you are still not sure if we could be together. For whatever worth it is, I am still sticking up with the promise and vow that I left behind. I’m yours, my love is only yours. I’m a dumbass who is freakingly inlove with you. And hope that not because I am so madly inlove with you that you are so comfortable of not losing anything. I just dont want to miss every single moment, every single day that I am still alive to say I love you. I regret nothing. I won’t get tired, I don’t even know why I am not mad, I’m always here dreaming of our dreams, our plans, our hopes, our love.

—MOY

(Source: enviousdaydreamer)

I want to think for myself just once, but I am afraid of losing them, especially her. I just need someone to bring me back on track, to help me out to realize what I am capable of. Or maybe I am just longing for you to find me. Sometimes I wanted to hide myself, to be gone. Just so to see if you wouldn’t bear to live w/o me, will you worry and look for me?

I think I am half hearted on what I do right now. One of my purpose and inspiration in life has gone haywire. I am hoping and praying for it to be better again, to bring it back, a fresh start.

(Source: enviousdaydreamer)

What is my real purpose in life?

Before I went to medschool, I was so determined that I need to be a doctor because it was what I told them I would be, because my family needs someone to be proud of me, and because I want to build my dreams with her from it. But as time goes by, I am being left out, I’m really working my  butt off from studying, but it is still not good enough. It makes me doubt of my skills and the said potentials that I have to be a doctor. It is really a big expectation to just blew it all away. And then after the break up, I was so messed up, I still try to concentrate, try to busy myself from school, but I wasn’t able to climb back easily. Now, everything is fine with us again, I guess, she says that she still loves me but she can’t come back as easily and that she wants to make sure of things first. It’s kinda frustrating but I am still contented of what she can give, I’m still happy to have her and I’m really happy to know that she still loves me. Now, I’m trying to keep up again with the lost I have made, I need to regain what was lost next semester.

Right now, I am wandering about what I really want to do in life. What am I really happy to work with? As what I know, I am happy to write, to sing, to dance, to take pictures, to do anything under the sun, to make her happy, to make my family happy, to help others in need…but reality check, there is no such profession of sort with those kind of stuffs. My mom and my family will bite my head out if I do so follow what I want. So I gues I am just stuck on what society has given me. A responsibility to uphold with, sworn to fulfill it or else.

I just want to excel on something I am happy of, to be honest I am happy to be a doctor because I will be able to help others, I just hope I can help myself as well through this.

What my heart is really shouting as of the moment? A simple business, maybe a coffee shop and a net shop will be fine, simple yet functional to get earnings to give to my mom and to be with her always. I hate this kind of feeling. I have to be strong. Focus on what is at hand. It really sucks that you are so great on giving advices but you can’t follow your one advice. Ironic isn’t? I give so much, but I don’t think of myself that I forgot how it is to live. I am so crumped up with fear, inferiority, criticism and mediocrity. I don’t even know if I believe my own self’s capabilities. 

Why is it so hard to find your purpose in life? How long should we look for it?

(Source: enviousdaydreamer)

Love is always there, it never fades, it might be weak for now, but it is still there. You just have to look back on where you started and look at the present on what you should be holding on, cherish every single moment. Love only fails if you fail to give love and to appreciate love given. Never waste a day, for you will regret one day once the person is gone, fight for it. Trust, appreciation, contentment, that’s what will make it special. That’s what will make it last a lifetime.

(Source: enviousdaydreamer)

But then again I gave in.

You made me fall for you so deeply.

Made me believe that this would last.

What happen? Please don’t leave me.

Now that I have loved you more than what you gave.

Not now. Not ever. Please.